Friday, May 11, 2012

The Girl With The Unicorn: Interview with Baby Doll15

Interviewer: We're here today with Baby Doll15, the beautiful young girlfriend of spiritual leader and pirate, Guy Boy Man.

Baby Doll15: God. I wish I wasn't just someone's girlfriend.

Interviewer: I'm sorry. That wasn't a very good introduction. Baby Doll15 is here today with her unicorn and...

Baby Doll15: The girl with the unicorn. Yeah. That's much better.

Interviewer: Maybe I should just get started with the questions? Can we start with your outfit? You're wearing a baby-doll, thigh high leggings, and high heels. You're fifteen years old. Don't you think you're dressed a little too provocatively?

Baby Doll15: A little too provocatively for whom? For you? Definitely not for my boyfriend. You know, society nowadays is pretty uptight but it wasn't that long ago that fifteen year old girls who weren't already married with two kids were considered spinsters. I dress how I want to.

Interviewer: You're an individual. You resent being considered just someone's girlfriend.

Baby Doll15: That's right. I'm not just Guy's support system. I'm my own person. I have ideas, you know.  Plans. And just because I can't think of any of those ideas and plans right now doesn't mean I don't have them and that they aren't really great.

Interviewer: You've got that unicorn standing next to you.

Baby Doll15: Exactly! I've got a unicorn, damn it!

Interviewer: Did you summon it or...?

Baby Doll15: No. It just showed up one day.

Interviewer: Still. It seems to have taken a liking to you. I'm guessing that's a pretty big honor. You don't see unicorns every day.

Baby Doll15: Well, I do.

Interviewer: No, I know. Most people don't though.

Baby Doll15: You want to ask me about Guy. Go ahead and get it over with.

Interviewer: Do you see zombies everywhere, controlling everything, like he does?

Baby Doll15: No, of course not. There's no such thing as zombies.

Interviewer: So you believe he's lying or he's terribly mentally ill?

Baby Doll15: Does it have to be either or? Can't he just be unique?

Interviewer: Why would you want to be with someone who believes that it's all pointless and there's no hope for humankind?

Baby Doll15: Why do any of us love the people we do?

Interviewer: If Guy was right, though, and there are zombies everywhere, controlling everything, and he's going to be the one to convince living people to stop reproducing so the zombies starve to death and die again, then you might be the only hope to keep humankind alive.

Baby Doll15: What do you mean?

Interviewer: You might be able to convince him of the redemptive power of love and that the two of you should have a child together to manifest it.

Baby Doll15: I'm on the pill.

Interviewer: I think you missed my point.

Baby Doll15: No, I got your point. But by that logic, if Guy is right, and there are zombies everywhere, controlling everything, then he's probably also telling the truth that he pirated trillions of dollars from various zombie institutions, which has to make him believe I'm a huge gold digger. So how could he ever believe I love him for who he is and not what he has?

Interviewer: You'd have to convince him. For all of us.

Baby Doll15: But there aren't zombies everywhere, controlling everything.

Interviewer: No, of course not.

Baby Doll15: Although it kind of seems like there are sometimes.

Find out more about Baby Doll15 and her unicorn in NINJA VERSUS PIRATE FEATURING ZOMBIES.

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